Canstralian

So, I have a big chunk of internet time right now I may as well blog.

Things have been intense. And up and down and all over the place.

I got more time off this week than I have in a long time. I got two full days off, and then saturday, my busiest day, I only worked one job rather than my usual two. Obi worked my two full days off, of course, but we had the afternoon/evening together.

I had the chance to have a circle in the longest time and did a little work to restore balance back into my life. I was a fool to let my spirituality slip by the way side, and I miss it terribly, but it's hard to find time and space for worship in a shared Christian household. I don't want to offend anyone. Or to embarras myself by being caught Obi wants to learn more about my faith and ritual, but I'm not quite ready. Hell, I'm embarrased practicing with other witches, nevermind an agnostic who I know doesn't believe anything similar to what I do. But I'm a little excited too. My religion means a lot to me, I want to raise our kids in my faith, and I want to be able to celebrate the sabbats with him, with or without the rituals so... I need to just get over it and bare this part of myself to him.
I also found some lovely chants online that really got me into the zone. My soul is soothed.

Obi and I had a coupe of disagreements and spend one night tangled in each others arms and crying. (This was wednesday, I had the circle the day after.) I was just so miserable. My day had been decent and I was in a good mood when he came home in a bad one and just bought everything down. He was very tired but generally we try not to nap after 5pm because we wont sleep as well so i tried to keep him awake. It didn't work, and then when he woke up to roll over 15 mins or so later he thanked me for leaving him alone, which hurt me, because I was stupidly hormonal and wanting loves.
By then I was miserable, everything came crashing back on me, my general unhappiness here, being tired and stressed from a bad week at work, financial worries, homesickness... I went for a walk, trying to run away for it all. I walked for hours, it got dark but i kept going, trying to get free... sometimes crying sometimes not... eventually he woke up from a nightmare and I wasn't there, which distressed him, and soon he came to find me. And we talked about why I was walking, and how we were both feeling about everything, and it was just heartbreaking.
He appologised so many times for being born here, for us needing to be here, for my unhappiness... even though it's not his fault...

Since then we've spent a lot of time clinging to each other. We move out in 3 or 4 days... I'm suddenly out of time to write...